Our Roots in Dignity

CPCSM and Its Roots in Dignity/Twin Cities:
Looking Back After 20 Years
by David J. McCaffrey

(Reprinted from Dignity/Twin Cities' Newsletter, Vol. 26:2 April/May 2000)

On May 9th, the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM) will be celebrating its 20th anniversary. As the date approaches, I find myself wondering how many of the current members of Dignity/Twin Cities are aware of the role that their chapter played in CPCSM's founding, in general, and in my involvement in CPCSM, in particular. Therefore, in response to Emma's invitation that I write a story about CPCSM, I would like to recall CPCSM's original ties to Dignity/TC as well as the chapter's general influence on CPCSM's subsequent work. I would also like to highlight some of CPCSM's more challenging and successful efforts during the years following its inception and touch on some of our current hopes and plans for the future.

Actually, the first stirrings of CPCSM's outreach efforts predate its May 1980 founding by almost two years. In the fall of 1978, in an attempt to help educate ministers working in parishes, Bill Kummer, I, and a few other active members of the Dignity chapter began a series of monthly speaker-luncheons. Over the next two years, these meetings were held at various parishes, usually hosted by a local pastor whom Dignity had contacted and who, in turn, invited other priests that he knew to be friendly, or at least open, to GLBT persons and their needs.

Initially, 20 to 30 priests attended these monthly events where they would listen to a local professional speak on some aspect of the lives, needs, and gifts of GLBT persons. Scattered around the meeting space and seated among the priests, Dignity members attempted to make their guests feel welcome as they chatted with them over lunch. More than a few priests remarked at the first few luncheons that it was the first time that they had met such psychologically and spiritually healthy gay men and lesbians with such a positive self-esteem, since most of their previous contacts had been either in the confessional or in some other counseling situation.

Eventually, the speaker-luncheons were expanded to include the non-ordained Catholic pastoral professionals in the archdiocese as well, especially the lay parish workers. This resulted in an average of 50 persons at each monthly event and a mailing list of over 100 names. Needless to say, this outreach effort by Dignity volunteers was met by the pastoral ministers with great enthusiasm and excitement. A number of the regular luncheon participants expressed the hope that there could eventually be an archdiocesan office or some other ongoing group or agency from which an official parish-based gay-lesbian ministry could be coordinated.

It was in the midst of this backdrop of hope and enthusiasm, buoyed up by our very successful speaker-luncheon series, that six of us approached a listening session with Archbishop Roach on May 9, 1980 -- a meeting that the archbishop finally greed to a full year after our first request for the meeting. Dignity's influence was very much present at that meeting as well. The participants, including myself, were three gay men who had been very active in the work of Dignity/TC and three lesbians, who at that time, were meeting with chapter leaders for regular discussions about how they and other lesbians could become more actively involved with our then-exclusively male chapter.

The six of us, affectionately known among ourselves as "the CPCSM Six," shared with the archbishop our journeys of growing up in the Church as lesbians and gay men. In addition to myself, who at that time was serving as a board member and the chapter's pastoral coordinator (1980-1981), the group included Bill Kummer, Dignity's pastoral coordinator and outreach director from 1977 to 1980 and a past board member; Father Herb Hayek, OP, a chapter cofounder and regular Mass presider; Cindy Scott, then a staff member of the Archdiocesan Urban Affairs Commission and later an editor and writer for various local GLBT and women's publications; Donna Kurimay, then the vice-president of the local chapter of the Association of Pastoral Ministers; and Karen Chicoine, then an administrative assistant in the archdiocesan Catholic Education Center and a former religious for 15 years.

At that meeting at the Chancery, in the archbishop's conference room, we sat around a long, well polished hard wood table and took turns sharing with him our pains as well as our joys of having grown up in the Church, our fears as well as our hopes.

We reported to him what our experience of the Church's ministry to GLBT persons, both to ourselves and to others, had been and described what we hoped it could become. As he listened to our stories, the vicar general of the archdiocese, Father Robert Carlson (now Bishop Carlson, ordinary of the Sioux Falls Diocese) sat at the far end of the table, taking notes.

We would later learn that the archbishop was at first not sure what to expect from our group with the memory of the pie-throwing episode of 1977 with its Dignity connection still fresh in his mind. We also found out later that he had asked Father Carlson to be in the room more as a witness and to provide security should there be any problems.

However, once the archbishop realized that our purpose for meeting with him was primarily pastoral, rather than political, he relaxed and listened carefully to our stories. At the conclusion of the listening session, we informed the archbishop that there were literally thousands of other persons like us living in the archdiocese who would never be able to speak with him face-to-face about their needs and concerns. Therefore, we promised to come back at a later date with the results of a needs assessment survey that we would conduct with other Twin City area GLBT persons from a Catholic background, as well as with local Catholic families who had a GLBT member, so that he could hear their stories and opinions as well.

Overall, Archbishop Roach was receptive to us and attentive to our personal stories. Before the meeting ended, he granted our request to approach his various department heads to find out if they would be open to exploring with us how we might best educate staff members in their departments about the pastoral needs and concerns of the local GLBT Catholic community.

CPCSM's first board meeting was held in September of 1980; and soon thereafter we began to convene a committee, which I chaired, to plan the Needs Assessment Survey Project, which became our primary focus over the next four years. In all, 250 gay and lesbian persons and 85 family members returned survey forms, which included many poignant responses to the survey's numerous open-ended questions. In May 1984, the study's 125-page report was published; and its findings were presented at the annual meeting. The first of its kind, the report was subsequently sold to 100s of pastoral ministers and ministry groups locally as well throughout the country. A few were even requested by ministers and groups in other countries.

Next, CPCSM took the archbishop up on his offer of access to his department heads by inviting many of them and other key pastoral leaders in the archdiocese to a series of informal luncheons. These meetings provided us with an ideal venue for presenting these administrators with the study's findings as well as its recommendations.

In summary, the message from the survey respondents to the Church was simple. First, they asked that the Church break its conspiracy of silence and acknowledge their existence. Second, they requested that the Church treat them on an equal basis with all other Church members. Finally, they asked that they be allowed to share their many talents with the Church and to engage the Church in a mutual ministry process. It was the respondents' hope that as the pastoral workers ministered to GLBT persons, they would also be open to all the ways that GLBT persons could educate and minister to them and other members of the Church.

Since the publication of the needs assessment report up to the present time, CPCSM has been actively attempting to implement its recommendations through a wide range of programs and activities. We have compiled a nine-page chronology of the highlights of those efforts. However, since it is too lengthy to include here, I will only briefly touch on the most significant events from that period.

After our informal gatherings with departmental administrators and other pastoral leaders, it became clear to us that much more work would be needed. At that point, we made the decision to focus our energies at the parish level, especially since we already had so many allies from the earlier Dignity-sponsored monthly speaker-luncheons. At about the same time, since a hallmark of our group from its inception had been the sharing of our faith journeys, we also decided to maximize the number of people we could reach through a story-telling process by producing a videotape depicting personal stories that could be used a part of a educational effort.

Soon thereafter the hand of Divine Providence seemed to manifest itself as a number of important aspects of the video production began to fall into place. Quite by accident, Bill Kummer and I met Lynn Miller, a member of the Newman Community, who expressed concern about the justice issues involved with Dignity's struggles with the archdiocese over the use of meeting space at the Newman Center. Lynn, a very creative and articulate lesbian who then was a professional writer and would later receive a doctorate in theology from Harvard Divinity School, was very happy to share her poignant story on tape.

Next, I learned from a coworker at the University that he was in training as a videographer. He agreed to co-produce the video with us, as well as to do all of the filming and the post-filming technical work. He requested only a small stipend -- about 1% of what a professional studio would have charged and all that our meager budget could afford.

To make the video more inclusive in its message, we also approached John Billig, a long-time Dignity member and frequent musician at the Friday night liturgies who was in a 10-year committed relationship, about telling his story on tape.. He gladly agreed to our request. John had painfully come to terms with his same-sex orientation as a teenager growing up in a strict charismatic Catholic family in a small outstate community and at that time was still enduring his mother's rejection of his sexual orientation and of his committed relationship with his partner. (John's mother did not come to terms with his sexuality until shortly before her death about 7 years after the video was released.)

Finally, Roger and Donna Urbanski, a permanent deacon of the archdiocese and his wife who had a gay son, were also willing to share their journey in the video. We had first heard Roger and Donna's story at a Dignity post-liturgy meeting on a Friday night in the spring of 1980. The theme of the evening was "Family Night," and all members were asked to invite their family members or friends. The Urbanskis, with two of their non-gay children, were the keynote speakers. This event was very popular among the membership, and the turnout of about 120 was, at that time, our largest at a regular Friday night liturgy and meeting.

I recall playing an active role in the production of the video, and found it to be very rewarding. Besides appearing as a silent interviewer, I also briefly appeared in the tape as a "john" picking up two young hustlers at Loring Park. (We paid them each $10 for appearing in the video as our token "lost gay youth," but I don't think that they ever really believed me that the video would be used to educate priests and other church ministers.)

We premiered the video, entitled Silent Journeys of Faith: Gay and Lesbian Persons in the Catholic Church, at CPCSM's annual meeting in May 1988. It received a favorable reception, especially since it was made at such a reduced price and in spite of the fact that it lacked some of the polish of a more professional production.

It soon became clear, however, that the tape could be best used for educational purposes with the help of a companion training manual. Hence, we contracted with a GLBT curriculum specialist who created for a us a five-session seminar series described in great detail in a 115-page training manual that she authored. The video took on an important role in the series as a consciousness-raising tool and a stimulus for discussion among the seminar participants. To reflect the connection between the video and its companion manual, we entitled the booklet Sharing Silent Journeys of Faith: Embracing Our Exiled Gay Brothers and Lesbian Sisters.

Following our original strategy to focus on parishes in our future outreach projects, with our training tools in hand the video and the guidebook we created the Parish-Based Gay and Lesbian Ministry Project (PBGLMP), which spanned the years 1990 - 1995. During that period we conducted the seminar series in about 25 parishes of the archdiocese, for a wide range of parish groups priests, pastoral ministers, parish council members, members of various parish committees, parish volunteers such as Stephen Ministers, Befrienders, and Samaritans and for a number of other groups.

The results of PBGLMP continue on to this day in the form of various official parish-based GLBT ministries at the following parishes: the Basilica, St. Stephens in Minneapolis, St. Stephens of Anoka, St. Frances Cabrini, St. Joan of Arc, Pax Christi, and at a number of other parishes where a small group of staff members or volunteers quietly minister to GLBT persons. Beyond the Twin Cities, the seminar series has been requested by a wide range of Catholic pastoral professionals from across the United States as well as by a few working in foreign countries.

In the spring of 1995 another need came to our attention. Statements from the local conservative Catholic Defense League (CDL) began appearing in the media strongly criticizing the GLBT safe staff programs in the local public high schools (e.g., Out for Equity in St. Paul and Out for Good in Minneapolis). The CDL asserted that such programs that were purported to be counseling programs for GLBT students were actually encouraging immoral same-sex behavior among all students and posed a threat to the religious rights of Catholic public school students and their parents.

At that time CPCSM's Parish-Based Project was winding down and, except for the very successful visit from Bishop Thomas Gumbleton that we had sponsored in October 1994, our organization's energies were dissipating. The disturbing CDL media statements were just the shot in the arm that CPCSM needed to get re-energized. A number of parents of GLBT persons who had helped organize the Gumbleton visit were now part of our group and were moved by the same sense of outrage as our GLBT members had been.

From that energy emerged our next project, known as Families and Friends of GLBT Persons in Catholic Education. Again it would seem that Divine Providence was playing a role as other fortunate events were simultaneously occurring that would greatly aid our efforts. At the same time as we were organizing our Families and Friends project, the presidents from a number of the local Catholic high schools were expressing concern that many of their students were "coming out" and seeking services similar to those available to GLBT students in many public schools. The presidents did not know where to turn for help.

Also, at the same time, Sister Mary Ellen Gevelinger, OP, Director of Personnel and Planning for the archdiocesan educational administration office (now known as the Catholic Education and Formation Ministries CEFM ) was asked to chair a study group with representatives chosen by the school presidents to examine the issue of ministry to students exploring sexuality issues and to make recommendations. She felt strongly about the need for support services for GLBT students; and, when we approached her to inform her of our Families and Friends Project, she agreed to meet with us and later invited us to join the study group.

Our participation in the study group resulted in our being asked to train the entire CEFM staff about the needs of GLBT students and their families and friends. At that session we emphasized the GLBT students' need for "safe" staff in their schools with whom they could talk openly and honestly about their sexuality-related issues and needs and from whom they could expect to receive respect and understanding as well as helpful guidance.

Pleased with our training approach, Sister Mary Ellen was very receptive to our request to work with administrators at the individual Catholic high schools and help them determine how we could best train their faculties and staff members. Consequently, from 1996 through 1998, in nine of the 11 high schools in the archdiocese, our Families and Friends Project presented general sensitivity training to the whole faculty and our four-session safe staff training package to a select group of teachers and staff members who expressed interest in serving as safe staff persons. Following the initial training, we also provided continuing education seminars and consultations at some of the schools. In all, we have trained approximately 750 faculty members and other school staff persons.

Bill Kummer and I, who both played a major role in the Families and Friends Project, sometimes look back in wonder at the project's accomplishments. We had always said that in our lifetime we would never see the day when CPCSM would be allowed to set foot in any Catholic school and talk to teachers about GLBT issues let alone conduct intensive training sessions in nine of the 11 high schools. At times, it has seemed like this has all been a dream.

Actually, we have been able, through our Families and Friends Project, to provide services to the schools in the local archdiocese that are unprecedented in the rest of the country. We believe that only because of God's Providence, including the placement of dedicated persons in key administrative positions, that we have been blessed with the opportunity to positively influence so many educational professionals and, through them, touch the lives of so many GLBT students and their families and friends.

Currently, CPCSM is going through a self-evaluation about how we can best serve the needs of GLBT Catholics and their families in the near future. We are also in the process of hiring an executive director, who will eventually replace Bill Kummer, as well as a new office manager. Thanks to a large financial gift from the St. Paul Province of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet (Many of their members have served on our board since CPCSM's inception.), we now are able to afford the rental of office space at St. Stephen's in Minneapolis and to afford to hire paid staff.

We are hoping that this new blood among our staff will serve as another renewal for our organization. CPCSM, as it has throughout its history, continues to be sensitive to the needs of the GLBT Catholic community. Our current plans include two ongoing support groups for GLBT persons one for women and the other for men. Also in the plans are two other ongoing support groups, one for family members of GLBT persons and the other for heterosexual spouses of GLBT persons. Although such groups are available from time to time in the mainstream GLBT community, we have found that many persons of a Roman Catholic background prefer attending groups where Catholic theological and spiritual issues are also covered.

As I now reflect back over CPCSM's history and on my role in the organization, it is clear to me how crucial my earlier involvement in Dignity/Twin Cities was in shaping me for my later ministry work in CPCSM. I had first come to Dignity in the mid-70s as a guilt-ridden and spiritually empty inactive Catholic. I had been searching a long time to fill an emptiness and spiritual longing that I felt in my soul ever since I had come out to myself as a gay man in my early teens.

However, at Dignity I found just what I needed. I found spiritual healing and nurturance at the Dignity's liturgical functions, retreats, and other programs in which I participated. I also found companionship and support from the many wonderful people that I met at Dignity and with whom I formed lasting friendships. As the current MasterCard commercial puts it, those experiences have been priceless. It was through Dignity that for the first time in my life that I began to believe that God loved me unconditionally as a gay person who was good and holy because He/She had created to be gay in His/Her image and likeness. One friend that I made at Dignity was a dear man by the name of Father Henry LeMay, one of the chapter's cofounders who was also present at the gathering in 1969 in Los Angeles where Dignity USA was founded. A very loving gay man and a committed priest, he often would drive through severe winter weather 120 miles from his parish in Granite Falls, MN, so that Dignity could have a Friday night liturgy in its earlier years when only two or three priests were willing to be celebrants. Considering himself like a big brother to most of us who were quite a bit younger, Henry became for many a role model of what it means to love others unconditionally and of what it means to be committed to one's ministry. To honor Henry's memory (just as Dignity/TC has created its LeMay-Smalley Award), CPCSM created in 1984 the Henry F. LeMay Award for Outstanding Ministry to GLBT Persons and Their Families in the Catholic Community, which is given annually to a person or persons in the local community who best reflect Henry's love for and commitment to GLBT ministry.

It was also at Dignity that I first heard God's call to use the healing and spiritual growth I had experienced there to serve my gay brothers and lesbian sisters, first as retreat coordinator and pastoral coordinator at Dignity, and later in my educational and advocacy work in CPCSM. I feel that I have been richly blessed by God for having given me the gift of Dignity/Twin Cities and that CPCSM has been richly blessed because of all of its influences from Dignity. May God bless each and every one of you current members of Dignity and fill your hearts with His/Her unconditional love and a sense of how precious you are in God's eyes.

(A final note: Please watch the local GLBT media for details about CPCSM's 20th anniversary celebration that will take place in the late spring or early summer. You and your families, partners, and other friends are all most welcome to celebrate with us as fellow cofounders of CPCSM.)

 

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